Thinking

I get bouts of sentimentality (if that's a word).  I keep thinking of funny things I need to record here for posterity's sake.  Like the fact that Lady loves the word "self" newly developed to "by myself!"  (Also heard as "I do it!"  It's her new middle name.  She's and independent one- watch out world!  Today she refused to finish her breakfast.  The routine is no snack when this happens.  While I nursed the little one, sister disappeared.   Where did I find her?  On the counter eating a bag of cookies we baked yesterday.  She got up there by her "self!" Ahh....  I hope that's more funny one day than it was this morning.  Or like the fact that brother LOVES the new Leap Frog video sister got for her birthday.  He's watched it a dozen times (its only 25 min long folks) and she's not made it through once!  He keeps asking me about space storms and other serious questions like, "what's a hydro-pergo ergonoimic energy cell, Mom?"  Seriously.  He listens closely to things- especially things he loves.  (In case you're wondering- its a Math video- and the frogs are asking the space ship - I think- what it uses for fuel.  Its a hydro...something!)
There are also sweet things- like how the littlest smiles and coos when you turn her to face you!! She is a GREAT smiler!  Brother eats it up and is constantly kissing her.  He also loves to come over and kiss my arm- or whatever body part is closest when he's feeling especially loving or when I'm having a hard day.   Not wanting to be left out, child number 2 will usually follow- squishing baby's head while she kisses her and then coming over for an awkward, sweet- 2 year old hug for me.  Since they are few and far between from her to me- I try to soak them up.
Back to being sentimental now. Tonight I read the saddest story.  Unfortunately it was true.  A mom in Australia lost her son to a life-long illness this last October.  Then, while on a family holiday a few weeks ago, she suddenly lost her husband to a massive heart attack.
Now, I can't imagine losing a child.  But to lose a child AND my husband in a brief four month span (let alone a life-long span) would be devastating.  And I got to thinking.  My first thought was, "I'd be crushed."  My second was, "What- where's your faith?  You aren't given more than you can handle.  There must be a reason."  Trust me- that's more than I could handle.  And then I kept reading.  Their family motto seems to have been, "Don't count the days, make the days count."  They had only expected their son to live two to four years.  He got ten!  They tried to make the most of the life they had together.  And now it means DOUBLY more.  Her husband was only 39.  She talks about some wonderful moments they had together just the last week of his life.  NOT KNOWING his life was to be cut short like they expected their son's life to be.  And I got to thinking- am I making the most of my life?  Suppose King, or any of my children were gone tomorrow- would I be happy remembering the great times we'd had- within the last week or throughout our lives- or would I regret my angry words, or my frustrated sighs.  Would I laugh thinking of how BOTH my older children had bodily-fluid incidents this morning (which I DO NOT do well with) and how they both looked at me so proudly- or would I remember how I scolded BOTH of them in my dismay that I would be cleaning up TWO messes.  In brother's defense- he MEANT to aim in the toilet and didn't realize he'd missed- he was just proud for "making it in time!", and in Sister's- she was trying to change her diaper FOR me.  How helpful.  I hope I remember that she was sincere.  And I hope I remember this family's situation so next time I can laugh, thank her for her help, and more patiently help her understand that some jobs are just mommy jobs. 
So I'm trying.  I'm GOING to do better.  I'm going to talk softer- explain quieter and more sincerely when I have to correct, and I'm going to let myself laugh at antics (before correcting them) more than I scold.  Ooh- this is hard for me.  I am a perfectionist in too many things - my children are not a project- they are human- little humans at that.  They don't need perfecting as much as they need loving.  So here's to changing my mantra and making days count- not counting days, or messes, or seeming disasters to clean up.
Just breath- and enjoy- and make the day count.
I read the best poem/quote a while back which I've now taped to my dining room cupboard.  I hope it changes my life.

Today is here.

I will start with a smile, and resolve to be agreeable.

I will not criticize.  I refuse to waste my valuable time.

Today has one thing in which I know I am equal with others- Time.

All of us draw the same salary in seconds, minutes, hours-

24 Golden Hours each day.

Today I will not waste my time,

Because the minutes I wasted yesterday

Are as lost as a vanished thought.

Today I refuse to spend time worrying about what might happen.

I am going to spend my time making things happen.

Today I am determined to study to improve myself,

For tomorrow I may be wanted, and I must not be found lacking.

Today I am determined to do things I should do.

I firmly resolve to stop doing the things I should not do.

Today I begin by doing and not wasting my time.

In one week I will be miles beyond the person I am today.

Today I will not imagine what I would do if things were different.

They are not different.

I will make a success with what material I have.

Today I will stop saying, “If I had time,”

For I never will “find time” for anything-

If I want time I must take it.

Today I will act toward other people

As though this might be my last day on earth.

I will not wait for tomorrow.

Tomorrow never comes.

-John Longden